just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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