please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
