dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
