I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
