I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
