guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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