My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize