I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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