whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
