I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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