god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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