She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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