I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
