please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
