Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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