I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
