the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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