your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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