mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize