And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
