yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
