youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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