hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
