I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize