I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
