Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
