4 words: hood of his car
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
