Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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