Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
