this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
