would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
