There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
be right there i have to get my cape
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
