You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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