I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
