My nipple is on Facebook.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
