not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
