I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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