I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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