mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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