Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
