goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
