i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
