Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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