my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
