it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize