he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my liver is dry heaving
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
