I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
