dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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