I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
