I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
