i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
