he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i drank out of a bidet.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
