We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
