In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize