Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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