Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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