Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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