he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I could fuck to npr.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
