dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
