So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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