Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
