there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize