this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
