Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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