he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
