just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
