was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize