its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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