there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
