so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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