I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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