I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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