you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
