gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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