Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
