He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i came on her dog
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
