Are we in a gay sports bar?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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